Nanook52 Productions' Mother Base Forum

Multi-media free forum and Military Roleplay site.
 
HomeRoomCalendarPublicationsFAQMarketSearchMemberlistUsergroupsRegisterLog inYoutube
Welcome Guest! It is Tue Jul 25, 2017 The Current R&D Team Level is [Level 56]. The Current Intel/ Security Team is [Level 84] The Combat Team Level is [Level 83] The Mess Hall Team Level is [Level 10] The Medical Team is [Level 50]
How many Motherbase Easter Eggs have you found???
Shell 4 is still under major construction, Please watch your step on the bridge.
Season 2 is underway Folks! Get ready for the moisture!

Share | 
 

 A New Beginning~ preview

View previous topic View next topic Go down 
AuthorMessage
Seiko Shinohara
Japan's Cutest Sex Offender
avatar

GMP : 918
Heroism : 9
Old Location : SC
Buffalo

CPU No CPU listed
GPU No GPU Listed
RAM No RAM
FUL [Lv.28] E
BSL [Lv.0] E
RDL [Lv.0] E
BRL [Lv.0] E
IUL [Lv.0] E
MHL [Lv.0] E
MTL [Lv.0] E

PostSubject: A New Beginning~ preview   Wed Apr 16, 2014 5:02 am

Shocked Okay..... i hate talking about my lil universe in mah head and hate having it because it defines things about me that make me feel unladylike and stuff which makes me feel weird... but since nan convinced me to tell about it a bit i decided i'd tell a story from it. if it sucks, it's because i'm a novice writer. sorry if i'm horrible  Embarassed 


There were screams and cries speeding down the hallway as the doctors rolled a lady down the passage, repeatedly telling her to breathe. She was clearly in pain, clutching one of the doctors hands with a powerful grip and swearing a few times. The doctor felt a tinge of pain go up his arm but ignored it, he had this happen before and was no stranger to this scenario. She was in labor, and had been for some time now. Soon a happy mother, father, and son would be brought into the world.

The doctors rolled her into the Emergency Room, and began the process of bringing new life into a strange, war torn world.

While this baby is being born, something else is afoot downstairs in the hospital lobby as 4 men walk into the doors, moving with what seems importance and purpose towards the front desk. Guards outside move inside the doors to keep an eye on the scruffy looking men dressed in black jackets and denim jeans. The guards approach the front desk and talk with one of the ladies for a bit, and these men move for the elevator. Two guards stop them and warn them to sit in a chair, or speak with the front desk.

"You don't understand, I need to speak with my dad" exclaimed one of the men, "It's about our uncle, Ray."

"What happened to your uncle? Tell me and I'll run the news to your father as soon as I get the chance." exclaimed one of the guards, bracing his M8A1 assault rifle as he spoke.

"He just died in a car crash" replies one of the other men, "If you'd tell our father we'd appreciate it..."

"What is your dad's name?" asks the other guard.

"He's not in the system, he's a visitor, visiting his wife. She was shot 4 days ago." replies a 3rd man.

"Give me the last name and I'll be sure to tell him." replies the same guard.

"Wilkins is his last name. Thank you for doing this."

"No problem, just go have a seat please."

The men walk away, but not for the seats. Instead they head outside and the guards follow, going back to their posts. One of the guards goes to the front desk and searches for the name, finds it, and goes upstairs to the room.

"Room 143... here it is." says the guard, he walks inside to find a man sitting beside a woman, all eyes are on the guard as he walks in. "Mister Wilkins?"

"Yes?" replies the man in a blue polo, holding his wife's hand.

"I regret to inform you that your sons came by and asked me to tell you... your brother, Ray I believe his name was... died in a car crash today." says the guard after a short silence.

Puzzled, the man looks at his wife and then at the name on the guards uniform. "Sergeant... Richardson.... I don't have a brother."

The guard straightens up a little, with a puzzled expression behind his visor, which blends in with his helmet color and provides HD vision and a HUD, repeats after the man. "You... don't?"

Suddenly there was a loud explosion outside of the hospital. Then another, and gunfire. Guards from all over the hospital rush to defensive positions, running down the hallway outside, armed and ready for a firefight. Richardson looks at the man and his wife and then sprints out of the room and down the hallway.

As Richardson makes it downstairs, there are men in white, black, and light blue camouflage uniforms, metal helmets, and metal bracers and greaves with blue illuminated cyber-like lines decorating the metal armor on their arms and legs. These uniforms match Richardson's, and they are shooting at men in black uniforms with red illuminations on their armor.

"Why would GlobeX attack a hospital?! Sick bastards!" thought Richardson as he ran to cover beside Scott and Carson, his heads up display listing their rank and last name above their heads in blue, and his squad-mates in a teal color.

"Rodriguez!!!! Toss a frag out there!!!" yells Richardson, screaming to his fellow squad-mate. Rodriguez is a private, fresh out of training. Rodriguez obeys his order and tosses a fragmentation grenade at the black uniformed hostiles pouring into the hospital through the doorway. The explosion had ripped the doors off their hinges and blown them into the middle of the lobby. Richardson makes his way to Rodriguez as quickly as possible, running out of cover firing like a madman and cuts down 3 GlobeX soldiers with ease and jumps behind cover just as the grenade goes off, launching 2 enemies into the air, one missing a limb and blood splattering over the ceiling and on the ground, just as 4 more run in only to be shot by Rodriguez.

"Nice kill!" says Richardson as he pokes his head out and aims, firing and getting a headshot on one enemy. These weren't normal enemies, there isn't anybody like this on the planet to be found. They came from off planet. Richardson has faced these people before, once on Artenius IV. They're ruthless and almost never give up. People call them "baby killers" for a reason.

After a few hours, the baby is born and put in an incubator, as the battle ends, the guards retreated back upstairs evacuating people to the roof for evac by Pelican V.T.O.L. dropships. Richardson and his squad are among the last guards. left to defend the hospital and he has seen some horrible sights, but nothing like this. He's surprised that he hasn't even frozen up yet, that the battle hasn't gotten to his brain and overwhelmed his mind, making him unable to react. All he could do then is stand there and get shot... He's glad he hasn't frozen.

Richardson stands up and grabs his rifle, and looks down the hallway. He aims and fires, hitting one of the enemy soldiers in the leg and watches with a smile as he drops to his knees, then his stomach and holds his leg, crawling away and screaming in pain. After the gunshot, the GlobeX troops rush down the hallway and fire, getting cut down a decent bit pretty quickly they are forced to take cover. "Why have they sent so many soldiers to just one hospital? Why even a hospital to begin with? Something isn't right here." thought Richardson, unable to make sense of the attack at all, he is on the right track. Something isn't right, but not with GlobeX.

After this standoff in this hallway, the Guards evacuate that area and retreat, but suddenly a grenade is thrown at the guards. A woman screams "My baby!! Please go get my baby!!! I want my child!!!!!!" Richardson looks into the room on his left and see's a single baby in an incubator pod, the machine keeping him warm and cozy. Despite the chaos going on outside the room, he seems to be sleeping soundly. Richardson runs in, grabbing a blanket form the folded stack near the door and getting the baby out of the pod as quick as possible, wrapping him up and running out, noticing the baby in very warm, he's now noticing exactly how cold the hospital is. And it's freezing., now as he runs out the room his mind wanders. "Why wasn't this child taken out of his incubator?" "Why is he still here, and not evac'd with the other children?" "What is the child's name?" All of these thought run into his mind as he runs towards the mother, when suddenly a loud explosion rings out and blood flies everywhere.

---------------------------

Richardson is in shock as the mother he just was looking at, was at the least 20 feet away, become engulfed in an explosion and seemingly disappear with the rest of the crowd she was in. He sits there now, on his knees as this child still appears to be happy and cozy in his warm blanket, unaware that his family had just been obliterated. Now an even stranger thought rushes through his mind. "How is this child not crying...?" He leans against the overturned table behind him, and peaks up over it at the mass of soldiers in black, looking around. and they head into the Incubator room and he hears a raspy voice, almost sounding like a human/demon combination, announce "The room is empty. Keep looking. There has to be more survivors."

Richardson looks down at the child and notices that he has a grenade hanging from his belt. he firmly grasps it and primes it to blow, then tosses it over behind him, and then runs, hearing the explosion he doesn't look back. Sprinting now, he rounds a corner, hearing footsteps behind him, knowing he's being chased. Suddenly 5 rounds ring out.  

Pain surges through him from 2 spots on his back, and he notices the world turning, spinning, blurring... then suddenly the child screams. 2 rounds hit Richardson in the back, 1 hit the child in the leg. Richardson lands on his side, clutching the child with every ounce of his fading strength, and rolls a short distance, the child sliding out of his hands and across the floor in front of him a few feet. Richardson, laying on his stomach, looks up and see's the poor child, and he crawls towards it, slowly, and a GlobeX soldier walks up to him, laughing at his effort to reach the newborn.

"I... will.... get you..." mumbles the Sergeant, ignoring the mass of GlobeX infantry behind him, laughing at his efforts, insulting his humanity for attempting to save the infant.

"I will...... get you...." he mumbles again. Closer now to the child he continues to crawl, still ignoring the laughing enemies behind him.

"I......will get you...." he continues to mumble.

"I... will.... get you..." says the sergeant as he places his hand on the infant's belly.



"Out... of... here..." the sergeant whispers softly as the last of his strength exits his body and he slips into unconsciousness, his head dropping to the floor and he lays there with an unconscious infant under his right hand.

--


Back to top Go down
View user profile
Lamar Davis
Supreme Horsechoker
Supreme Horsechoker
avatar

New Haven Syndicate

Supreme Horsechoker
GMP : 37715
Heroism : 35
Old Location : Vanilla Unicorn
Rat
MB Location : Strut L Oil Fence (S.S.Stretchnutz)


Matchbox
U already know
CPU Intel Core i7 4930k 6 core (3.4ghz)
GPU MSI GTX 1080 8GB GDDR5
RAM 16GB
FUL [Lv.65] D+
BSL [Lv.60] D
RDL [Lv.70] C
BRL [Lv.0] E
IUL [Lv.70] C
MHL [Lv.18] E
MTL [Lv.0] E

PostSubject: Re: A New Beginning~ preview   Wed Apr 16, 2014 5:48 am

Few questions, what is this based on? Who is Globex? but really im wondering who helped with this?
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Big Papa
Post Junkie III
Post Junkie III
avatar

Big Papa
GMP : 12531
Heroism : 28
Old Location : United States (Ohio)
Rat
Its a Box
CPU Intel Core i5 4690k Quad Core (3.5ghz)
GPU EVGA Geforce GTX 1060 6GB GDDR5
RAM 16GB
FUL [Lv.12] E
BSL [Lv.267] S++
RDL [Lv.293] S++
BRL [Lv.61] D
IUL [Lv.278] S++
MHL [Lv.88] B
MTL [Lv.6] E

PostSubject: Re: A New Beginning~ preview   Wed Apr 16, 2014 5:56 am

Drebin#69 wrote:
Few questions, what is this based on? Who is Globex? but really im wondering who helped with this?

all her. its all soaked into basically a imagination chamber in her brain we call her universe. which is like a alternative dimension of events and characters that gets created over time of thinking.

she had a few help from a friend to build the universe but its mostly all her.

--
lol:
 
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://Xat.com/Nanook'sCodec
Seiko Shinohara
Japan's Cutest Sex Offender
avatar

GMP : 918
Heroism : 9
Old Location : SC
Buffalo

CPU No CPU listed
GPU No GPU Listed
RAM No RAM
FUL [Lv.28] E
BSL [Lv.0] E
RDL [Lv.0] E
BRL [Lv.0] E
IUL [Lv.0] E
MHL [Lv.0] E
MTL [Lv.0] E

PostSubject: Re: A New Beginning~ preview   Wed Apr 16, 2014 6:00 am

Drebin#69 wrote:
Few questions, what is this based on? Who is Globex? but really im wondering who helped with this?

This is based on my universe in my head i had a lil help building a while back. i built a group that is probably the most powerful army to ever exist and GlobeX is their arch enemy. GlobeX is a dangerous army hell bent on conquering the galaxy, and maybe the universe, or annihilating any race, no matter what age, in their way.

I'm really imaginative and love to think and keep my mind working so thats how this universe really came along, and i had no help making this. i just worked on it for an hour at the least... .-. but if people want me to continue this, i'll answer what it's based on by finishing this later today :Pthis is jsut the first chapter in this little era for this part in that races history ._. for their current stage that is.... .-.

HOPE YOU ENJOYED! ^.^

--


Back to top Go down
View user profile
Lamar Davis
Supreme Horsechoker
Supreme Horsechoker
avatar

New Haven Syndicate

Supreme Horsechoker
GMP : 37715
Heroism : 35
Old Location : Vanilla Unicorn
Rat
MB Location : Strut L Oil Fence (S.S.Stretchnutz)


Matchbox
U already know
CPU Intel Core i7 4930k 6 core (3.4ghz)
GPU MSI GTX 1080 8GB GDDR5
RAM 16GB
FUL [Lv.65] D+
BSL [Lv.60] D
RDL [Lv.70] C
BRL [Lv.0] E
IUL [Lv.70] C
MHL [Lv.18] E
MTL [Lv.0] E

PostSubject: Re: A New Beginning~ preview   Wed Apr 16, 2014 6:25 am

well since its like 5 and shit lemme be the first to say. it's elusive, imaginative, well point brought out, all of its there. it has a decent hook and sinker (dat shit that makes you keep readin) and it grasp out to the audience. very easy to read as well. not too many complicated words, anyone who can read can just look and understand it. so i give it a thumb up giggles.
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Seiko Shinohara
Japan's Cutest Sex Offender
avatar

GMP : 918
Heroism : 9
Old Location : SC
Buffalo

CPU No CPU listed
GPU No GPU Listed
RAM No RAM
FUL [Lv.28] E
BSL [Lv.0] E
RDL [Lv.0] E
BRL [Lv.0] E
IUL [Lv.0] E
MHL [Lv.0] E
MTL [Lv.0] E

PostSubject: Re: A New Beginning~ preview   Wed Apr 16, 2014 6:31 am

when i was writing it i thought it would suck but then when i finished and posted it i re-read it and thought "wow i'm impressed with myself ffs o.o"

--


Back to top Go down
View user profile
Punished Shade
Post Junkie III
Post Junkie III
avatar

Militaires Sans Frontières

Official Badge of High Quality Rips
GMP : 82601
Heroism : 75
Old Location : California Newman
Tiger
MB Location : MSF Tunnels Bio Lab (Metroid Cages)

suck my cock
Memery and Quality
CG,Coconut Gun
Gray Foxes Sword
Argent iDroid
TACOS
FUL [Lv.134] S
BSL [Lv.78] C+
RDL [Lv.98] B+
BRL [lv.96] A+
IUL [Lv.89] B+
MHL [Lv.20] E
MTL [lv.32] E

PostSubject: Re: A New Beginning~ preview   Wed Apr 16, 2014 6:48 am

@Seiko Shinohara wrote:
Drebin#69 wrote:
Few questions, what is this based on? Who is Globex? but really im wondering who helped with this?

This is based on my universe in my head i had a lil help building a while back. i built a group that is probably the most powerful army to ever exist and GlobeX is their arch enemy. GlobeX is a dangerous army hell bent on conquering the galaxy, and maybe the universe, or annihilating any race, no matter what age, in their way.

I'm really imaginative and love to think and keep my mind working so thats how this universe really came along, and i had no help making this. i just worked on it for an hour at the least... .-. but if people want me to continue this, i'll answer what it's based on by finishing this later today :Pthis is jsut the first chapter in this little era for this part in that races history ._. for their current stage that is.... .-.

HOPE YOU ENJOYED! ^.^

I enjoyed this ._.
you did well on this

--
M I L K _ M E _ D A D D Y ! ! !
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://www.twitch.tv/light5hade
Seiko Shinohara
Japan's Cutest Sex Offender
avatar

GMP : 918
Heroism : 9
Old Location : SC
Buffalo

CPU No CPU listed
GPU No GPU Listed
RAM No RAM
FUL [Lv.28] E
BSL [Lv.0] E
RDL [Lv.0] E
BRL [Lv.0] E
IUL [Lv.0] E
MHL [Lv.0] E
MTL [Lv.0] E

PostSubject: Re: A New Beginning~ preview   Wed Apr 16, 2014 6:50 am

Light5hade wrote:
@Seiko Shinohara wrote:
Drebin#69 wrote:
Few questions, what is this based on? Who is Globex? but really im wondering who helped with this?

This is based on my universe in my head i had a lil help building a while back. i built a group that is probably the most powerful army to ever exist and GlobeX is their arch enemy. GlobeX is a dangerous army hell bent on conquering the galaxy, and maybe the universe, or annihilating any race, no matter what age, in their way.

I'm really imaginative and love to think and keep my mind working so thats how this universe really came along, and i had no help making this. i just worked on it for an hour at the least... .-. but if people want me to continue this, i'll answer what it's based on by finishing this later today :Pthis is jsut the first chapter in this little era for this part in that races history ._. for their current stage that is.... .-.

HOPE YOU ENJOYED! ^.^

I enjoyed this ._.
you did well on this

TANK CHU SOLDIERZ e.e welp i just might be continuing this.... time to recap to the history of my universe e.e dinosaurs... gtfo ._.

--


Back to top Go down
View user profile
Punished Shade
Post Junkie III
Post Junkie III
avatar

Militaires Sans Frontières

Official Badge of High Quality Rips
GMP : 82601
Heroism : 75
Old Location : California Newman
Tiger
MB Location : MSF Tunnels Bio Lab (Metroid Cages)

suck my cock
Memery and Quality
CG,Coconut Gun
Gray Foxes Sword
Argent iDroid
TACOS
FUL [Lv.134] S
BSL [Lv.78] C+
RDL [Lv.98] B+
BRL [lv.96] A+
IUL [Lv.89] B+
MHL [Lv.20] E
MTL [lv.32] E

PostSubject: Re: A New Beginning~ preview   Wed Apr 16, 2014 6:53 am

@Seiko Shinohara wrote:
Light5hade wrote:
@Seiko Shinohara wrote:
Drebin#69 wrote:
Few questions, what is this based on? Who is Globex? but really im wondering who helped with this?

This is based on my universe in my head i had a lil help building a while back. i built a group that is probably the most powerful army to ever exist and GlobeX is their arch enemy. GlobeX is a dangerous army hell bent on conquering the galaxy, and maybe the universe, or annihilating any race, no matter what age, in their way.

I'm really imaginative and love to think and keep my mind working so thats how this universe really came along, and i had no help making this. i just worked on it for an hour at the least... .-. but if people want me to continue this, i'll answer what it's based on by finishing this later today :Pthis is jsut the first chapter in this little era for this part in that races history ._. for their current stage that is.... .-.

HOPE YOU ENJOYED! ^.^

I enjoyed this ._.
you did well on this

TANK CHU SOLDIERZ e.e welp i just might be continuing this.... time to recap to the history of my universe e.e dinosaurs... gtfo ._.
yea fuck dim dinosaurs ._.

--
M I L K _ M E _ D A D D Y ! ! !
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://www.twitch.tv/light5hade
Naomi Nakashima
Post Junkie III
Post Junkie III
avatar

New Haven Syndicate

Extreme Neko Badge
GMP : 28003
Heroism : 42
Old Location : Miami, FL
Buffalo
MB Location : Strut I Shooting Range

Stun Knife
MB Bear
CPU Intel i5 3570k Quad Core (3.4ghz)
GPU EVGA GTX 1060 6GB DDR5
RAM 10GB
FUL [Lv.85] B+
BSL [Lv.0] E
RDL [Lv.0] E
BRL [Lv.0] E
IUL [Lv.70] C
MHL [Lv.0] E
MTL [Lv.78] C+

PostSubject: Re: A New Beginning~ preview   Wed Apr 16, 2014 7:11 pm

ohhh my god this is great o.o

PLEASE MAKE MORE D:

--


Hello Guest, Today is Tue Jul 25, 2017 if you are wondering. Have a nice day!! ^-^
Before continuing please make sure of the following:
1.) You have said good morning to Hailey
2.)   You gave her a hug
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Zam
Hail To The King
avatar

Combo Whore
GMP : 2037
Heroism : 33
Old Location : North America
Buffalo
MB Location : Strut G Gamer room

CPU No CPU listed
GPU No GPU Listed
RAM No RAM

PostSubject: Re: A New Beginning~ preview   Wed Apr 16, 2014 7:18 pm

@Seiko Shinohara wrote:


"Wilkins is his last name. Thank you for doing this."
"Wilkins"... "Wilkinson"? (Sorry I felt that was just a coincidence )

@Seiko Shinohara wrote:
After this standoff in this hallway, the Guards evacuate that area and retreat, but suddenly a grenade is thrown at the guards. A woman screams "My baby!! Please go get my baby!!! I want my child!!!!!!" Richardson looks into the room on his left and see's a single baby in an incubator pod, the machine keeping him warm and cozy. Despite the chaos going on outside the room, he seems to be sleeping soundly. Richardson runs in, grabbing a blanket form the folded stack near the door and getting the baby out of the pod as quick as possible, wrapping him up and running out, noticing the baby in very warm, he's now noticing exactly how cold the hospital is. And it's freezing., now as he runs out the room his mind wanders. "Why wasn't this child taken out of his incubator?" "Why is he still here, and not evac'd with the other children?" "What is the child's name?" All of these thought run into his mind as he runs towards the mother, when suddenly a loud explosion rings out and blood flies everywhere.
Right here. That is a very well done hook, and the rest is just amazing.

Well I gotta say, pretty good for a sc-fi story (even though I tend to lean towards 50-50 fiction/non-fiction). The beginning was pretty boring, but did have depth as working as an intro. Very descriptive and keeping it going as a Action pase.
The Hook really got me, and going on to a nice ending leaving the reader wanting to read what happens next is the cherry on top  Very Happy .
Not really bad at all, looks very interesting so far and I'm looking forward to how it plays out. I'm gonna rate it a 7.8/10, it was very well constructed for the Climax part. The Rising Action was pretty dull, but you still gave it good detail. Other than that, Excellent Read!

--

I FOUND YOU:
 
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Naomi Nakashima
Post Junkie III
Post Junkie III
avatar

New Haven Syndicate

Extreme Neko Badge
GMP : 28003
Heroism : 42
Old Location : Miami, FL
Buffalo
MB Location : Strut I Shooting Range

Stun Knife
MB Bear
CPU Intel i5 3570k Quad Core (3.4ghz)
GPU EVGA GTX 1060 6GB DDR5
RAM 10GB
FUL [Lv.85] B+
BSL [Lv.0] E
RDL [Lv.0] E
BRL [Lv.0] E
IUL [Lv.70] C
MHL [Lv.0] E
MTL [Lv.78] C+

PostSubject: Re: A New Beginning~ preview   Wed Apr 16, 2014 7:31 pm

i feel like i was almost in the same room when all of this happened o.o

--


Hello Guest, Today is Tue Jul 25, 2017 if you are wondering. Have a nice day!! ^-^
Before continuing please make sure of the following:
1.) You have said good morning to Hailey
2.)   You gave her a hug
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Seiko Shinohara
Japan's Cutest Sex Offender
avatar

GMP : 918
Heroism : 9
Old Location : SC
Buffalo

CPU No CPU listed
GPU No GPU Listed
RAM No RAM
FUL [Lv.28] E
BSL [Lv.0] E
RDL [Lv.0] E
BRL [Lv.0] E
IUL [Lv.0] E
MHL [Lv.0] E
MTL [Lv.0] E

PostSubject: Re: A New Beginning~ preview   Wed Apr 16, 2014 8:14 pm

Zamario wrote:
@Seiko Shinohara wrote:
After this standoff in this hallway, the Guards evacuate that area and retreat, but suddenly a grenade is thrown at the guards. A woman screams "My baby!! Please go get my baby!!! I want my child!!!!!!" Richardson looks into the room on his left and see's a single baby in an incubator pod, the machine keeping him warm and cozy. Despite the chaos going on outside the room, he seems to be sleeping soundly. Richardson runs in, grabbing a blanket form the folded stack near the door and getting the baby out of the pod as quick as possible, wrapping him up and running out, noticing the baby in very warm, he's now noticing exactly how cold the hospital is. And it's freezing., now as he runs out the room his mind wanders. "Why wasn't this child taken out of his incubator?" "Why is he still here, and not evac'd with the other children?" "What is the child's name?" All of these thought run into his mind as he runs towards the mother, when suddenly a loud explosion rings out and blood flies everywhere.
Right here. That is a very well done hook, and the rest is just amazing.

Well I gotta say, pretty good for a sc-fi story (even though I tend to lean towards 50-50 fiction/non-fiction). The beginning was pretty boring, but did have depth as working as an intro. Very descriptive and keeping it going as a Action pase.
The Hook really got me, and going on to a nice ending leaving the reader wanting to read what happens next is the cherry on top  Very Happy .
Not really bad at all, looks very interesting so far and I'm looking forward to how it plays out. I'm gonna rate it a 7.8/10, it was very well constructed for the Climax part. The Rising Action was pretty dull, but you still gave it good detail. Other than that, Excellent Read!

thanks! i actually kinda intended it to be dull, as it's just any other normal day for that place. :/

@Naomi Nakashima wrote:
ohhh my god this is great o.o

PLEASE MAKE MORE D:

looks like it was decided for me .-. i'll make more, i might even write one today... in fact i am, jus gimme a whiiiile :3

--


Back to top Go down
View user profile
Big Papa
Post Junkie III
Post Junkie III
avatar

Big Papa
GMP : 12531
Heroism : 28
Old Location : United States (Ohio)
Rat
Its a Box
CPU Intel Core i5 4690k Quad Core (3.5ghz)
GPU EVGA Geforce GTX 1060 6GB GDDR5
RAM 16GB
FUL [Lv.12] E
BSL [Lv.267] S++
RDL [Lv.293] S++
BRL [Lv.61] D
IUL [Lv.278] S++
MHL [Lv.88] B
MTL [Lv.6] E

PostSubject: Re: A New Beginning~ preview   Wed Apr 16, 2014 8:25 pm

there goes my cuddle time with her ._.

--
lol:
 
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://Xat.com/Nanook'sCodec
Punished Shade
Post Junkie III
Post Junkie III
avatar

Militaires Sans Frontières

Official Badge of High Quality Rips
GMP : 82601
Heroism : 75
Old Location : California Newman
Tiger
MB Location : MSF Tunnels Bio Lab (Metroid Cages)

suck my cock
Memery and Quality
CG,Coconut Gun
Gray Foxes Sword
Argent iDroid
TACOS
FUL [Lv.134] S
BSL [Lv.78] C+
RDL [Lv.98] B+
BRL [lv.96] A+
IUL [Lv.89] B+
MHL [Lv.20] E
MTL [lv.32] E

PostSubject: Re: A New Beginning~ preview   Wed Apr 16, 2014 8:54 pm

@Seiko Shinohara wrote:
Zamario wrote:
@Seiko Shinohara wrote:
After this standoff in this hallway, the Guards evacuate that area and retreat, but suddenly a grenade is thrown at the guards. A woman screams "My baby!! Please go get my baby!!! I want my child!!!!!!" Richardson looks into the room on his left and see's a single baby in an incubator pod, the machine keeping him warm and cozy. Despite the chaos going on outside the room, he seems to be sleeping soundly. Richardson runs in, grabbing a blanket form the folded stack near the door and getting the baby out of the pod as quick as possible, wrapping him up and running out, noticing the baby in very warm, he's now noticing exactly how cold the hospital is. And it's freezing., now as he runs out the room his mind wanders. "Why wasn't this child taken out of his incubator?" "Why is he still here, and not evac'd with the other children?" "What is the child's name?" All of these thought run into his mind as he runs towards the mother, when suddenly a loud explosion rings out and blood flies everywhere.
Right here. That is a very well done hook, and the rest is just amazing.

Well I gotta say, pretty good for a sc-fi story (even though I tend to lean towards 50-50 fiction/non-fiction). The beginning was pretty boring, but did have depth as working as an intro. Very descriptive and keeping it going as a Action pase.
The Hook really got me, and going on to a nice ending leaving the reader wanting to read what happens next is the cherry on top  Very Happy .
Not really bad at all, looks very interesting so far and I'm looking forward to how it plays out. I'm gonna rate it a 7.8/10, it was very well constructed for the Climax part. The Rising Action was pretty dull, but you still gave it good detail. Other than that, Excellent Read!

thanks! i actually kinda intended it to be dull, as it's just any other normal day for that place. :/

@Naomi Nakashima wrote:
ohhh my god this is great o.o

PLEASE MAKE MORE D:

looks like it was decided for me .-. i'll make more, i might even write one today... in fact i am, jus gimme a whiiiile :3

GREAT Very Happy

--
M I L K _ M E _ D A D D Y ! ! !
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://www.twitch.tv/light5hade
Seiko Shinohara
Japan's Cutest Sex Offender
avatar

GMP : 918
Heroism : 9
Old Location : SC
Buffalo

CPU No CPU listed
GPU No GPU Listed
RAM No RAM
FUL [Lv.28] E
BSL [Lv.0] E
RDL [Lv.0] E
BRL [Lv.0] E
IUL [Lv.0] E
MHL [Lv.0] E
MTL [Lv.0] E

PostSubject: Re: A New Beginning~ preview   Thu Apr 17, 2014 1:02 pm

sorry! i posted it, unfortunately last night, just before i posted it, someone decided to take my laptop >.<

it's up now though. i had horrible concentration yesterday. too much shit happenin .-. so sorry if it isn't as good, or sucks completely. my concentration was broken every 5 minutes >.< meanin my mind movie was blurred constantly and i couldn't see it happening. which meant not as much detail was seen, or not as much was put in due to my breaks in concentration. :l me sowwie!

--


Back to top Go down
View user profile
Naomi Nakashima
Post Junkie III
Post Junkie III
avatar

New Haven Syndicate

Extreme Neko Badge
GMP : 28003
Heroism : 42
Old Location : Miami, FL
Buffalo
MB Location : Strut I Shooting Range

Stun Knife
MB Bear
CPU Intel i5 3570k Quad Core (3.4ghz)
GPU EVGA GTX 1060 6GB DDR5
RAM 10GB
FUL [Lv.85] B+
BSL [Lv.0] E
RDL [Lv.0] E
BRL [Lv.0] E
IUL [Lv.70] C
MHL [Lv.0] E
MTL [Lv.78] C+

PostSubject: Re: A New Beginning~ preview   Thu Apr 17, 2014 3:48 pm

you dont have to apologize you know :/

--


Hello Guest, Today is Tue Jul 25, 2017 if you are wondering. Have a nice day!! ^-^
Before continuing please make sure of the following:
1.) You have said good morning to Hailey
2.)   You gave her a hug
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Seiko Shinohara
Japan's Cutest Sex Offender
avatar

GMP : 918
Heroism : 9
Old Location : SC
Buffalo

CPU No CPU listed
GPU No GPU Listed
RAM No RAM
FUL [Lv.28] E
BSL [Lv.0] E
RDL [Lv.0] E
BRL [Lv.0] E
IUL [Lv.0] E
MHL [Lv.0] E
MTL [Lv.0] E

PostSubject: Re: A New Beginning~ preview   Thu Apr 17, 2014 10:34 pm

@Naomi Nakashima wrote:
you dont have to apologize you know :/

well... i said i was going to post it YESTERDAY, and kinda intended that with promise that i would. :l

--


Back to top Go down
View user profile
 
A New Beginning~ preview
View previous topic View next topic Back to top 
Page 1 of 1
 Similar topics
-
» Delicious 10: Emily's New Beginning
» The Beginning of Grail Lords
» [Sci-Fi City] WHF Island of Blood preview copy in the house!
» Skaven Clanrats preview
» Slider S15's Privateer entry - Round 2 Round up and Round 3 Preview:

Permissions in this forum:You cannot reply to topics in this forum
Nanook52 Productions' Mother Base Forum :: Shell 2 Core (General Discussion) :: Enterainment-
Jump to: