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 The Creator: Evolution is Power

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PostSubject: The Creator: Evolution is Power   Fri Nov 21, 2014 12:25 am

Chapter 1

Everything has a beginning


Everything has a history. A story... something to tell. Countless lives have survived the test of time. Countless objects, loved items. Family. A city even, have endured. But even in these major accomplishments and milestones, these wonders of the world, everything.... everyone... has a beginning.


Here's mine.





Walking down the street one day with his brother, a young teen male daydreamed, simply following him wherever he went. Brother stopped, he stopped. Brother moved, he moved. That young teen was me. He was a chubby young fellow. Not very strong, to be honest, either. But even he didn't know his own strength. He got to the parking lot of the supercenter and looked to his left and saw a bus coming. he looked to his right saw a young girl, looked to be at least 15 by her height, walking along across the roadway of the parking lot and staring down at her phone, oblivious to everything.

"Apparently the text is more important than her safety" I thought, and thought nothing else of it, but something told me to look again.

I looked to the left and saw that the bus seemed to show no signs of slowing down, and without thinking... I reacted. I ran and sprinted faster than I thought I ever could and pushed her from her lower back. she went a good distance and fell over, then looked back at me.

"Dude what is your-" was all she could say, then she looked to my left, and so did I.

That was when everything changed.


The bus slammed into me, and the last thing I remember hearing was the sound of metal slamming into an unlucky person, and the sound of my arm breaking on impact. Then I slid under, and was crushed by the weight of the bus, literally. I was rolled over several times, every bone breaking. Next thing I know, it stopped after I was out from under it. And there I lay, on my back in the parking lot, bleeding and crushed. People ran to me, stood over me, but all I could do was lay there as my vision faded.

And just like that.... I was gone. After that I remember standing up, looking back and seeing at least 14 people next to me. One was on the phone calling an ambulance. My brother was crying as he tried to wake me from an eternal slumber. It was all over for me.

I followed myself to the hospital, a little shiny cord dragged me along. It was all so surreal. It didn't feel real, but somehow I knew it was real. I could see it. It felt like a 3rd person dream but... I could see it. I was gone.

They said I was alive but I felt like I wasn't. I could see my own corpse. But that little cord said something. It said I was alive. Through that little cord I felt everything that was done to my body. Every face touch. Even a bit of pain. They pronounced me dead, and as they did that little shiny cord disappeared. I felt cold, and alone.

"This can't be real. I can't be dead..." I said to myself, trying to convince myself to wake up... but deep down inside my... well... soul, I knew I was, quite literally doomed to walk the earth,


Ever seen your own funeral? Highly doubt it. If you have then something is seriously wrong. But I was there, watching myself being put into that mausoleum. The one my mother was buried. I somehow managed to show myself to my grandma and touch her, make her feel my presence and comfort her. I did the same to my brother, and grandpa. It was all I could do to make things right with my family for leaving so soon. It was a guilty conscious being a dick to me about something out of my control. I couldn't let the girl die.... it wasn't morally right. I did the right thing.... right?

Well, I didn't see my mother in the afterlife. Made me feel uneasy, and cautious. Something was wrong about that but I didn't search for her. I searched for an explanation as to what was going on with a colorful little cloud near the mausoleum. A friendly little ghost told me a bit about it.

"That cloud is dangerous." he said. "I saw another soul touch one. It was a dark cloud... all black fog... He touched it and exploded. Never saw him again. Since that moment everyone stays away from the cloud here. They're afraid they'll be destroyed."

I was a curious one. Eventually the curiosity got to me. I thought since this one was all colorful, it should be fine. I gazed into the colors. White, light, blue. It was colorful and pretty. Something to me amazed by. So I touched it, like an idiot. But I didn't explode, it engulfed me. I was lifted into the air, and levitated. I could barely see through the colorful fog around me. Next thing I know, I'm in darkness. I woke up in serious pain, and looked around at the blackness around me, and passed out. Then I heard a thud, and felt cold. I opened my eyes to see the light around me, and a roof. Then I passed out again from the sheer pain.

"What's happening...?" I wondered. Then I woke up again and got a hint.

Several men with guns stood around me. In hoodies, their faces covered by what looked like hockey masks or something of the like. I looked at one, and passed out once more. This time when I woke up, I was painless. I tried to sit up but felt a small tinge of pain as I tried to move. I managed to power through it, and got out of the box, only to fall flat on my face. I stood up. and leaned against the box and noticed it was a coffin. A nice one. I continued looking around and noticed I was in the cemetery.

"So this must be Hell." I said to myself. "What the hell is going on..." I tried to walk and stumbled badly, but managed to stay up and moving. "Gotta go home...." I said. "I have to go home..... Find a way out of this mess..." I limped away and out of the cemetery, crossed the street, and made it back to the highway near my house. I saw a couple walking down the road near me. I approached them and asked them the date and time.
"8 AM. It's the 14th." The man said.

"What month?" I said rather high-like. I seemed incredibly out of it, and felt like it too. But the pain was gone already. I wasn't limping anymore, and walked rather normal now.

"October..." The girl said, pretty shy. I could tell.

"Huh.... Thanks..." I replied, nodded, and walked away somewhat drunkenly but regained balance.

Now, I wasn't expecting this shit. I went to take a step forward and wished that I could be home already. Next thing I know mid-stride I seemed to bounce forward.... 15 feet. I basically teleported and fell flat on my face. Then I realized I actually teleported. I went to stand up and saw a circle of people in gray hoodies with a cyber green graphics design all over them looking at me. Surrounding me. I jumped back in surprise and fear and they were gone. Next thing I know I heard "We're Ready." And there was nobody around. I ran home as fast as I could, even though the entire time I wasn't even conscious of where I was going. I was just walking. The entire time.

When I got home I looked and opened the door, looking around for any more of those guys, and went inside. I looked and saw my Grandpa there sitting in the kitchen, my Grandma as well, and my brother. Nobody could believe it was me. They attended my funeral. My brother watched me get slammed by a bus. I looked at them and was speechless as I realized that I was alive. Something weird was going on out there. Then I swore I saw someone else in the kitchen. A man with red eyes. A coat, and he was pulling his glove on his hand, and smiled wickedly. I blinked and he was still there.

"Who is that?" I said, pointing. and nobody turned around to even look. But I did, and he was gone. Then I got bombarded with hugs and love from my family. I thought back on the trek home. Men appeared and surrounded me. I teleported. The month, October. The bus hitting me. The truth hit me square in the face. I had been dead for a month. But, that man... where did he come from, where did he go, and why was he here? Was I seeing things? Hallucinating after being dead for a month? What was going on?

----------------------------------------------

Hey guys, I've been gone a while and decided to work on something new since Jenny tossed a big ass novel project on me because she's a lazy writer. But it got me thinking about the origins of the writing project of hers, and I got thinking about my role in that whole universe thing she and I share. So I thought about a story This was literally thought up yesterday and today and written in less than an hour. Just a free write to get my mind working so I apologize if it sucks, I have almost no personality in the narration other than a guy who seems to hate telling stories and wants it over with immediately, so bear with me while I develop it.... a lot.... I'm really tired and just wanted to type something, bear with me, this should be developed by tomorrow evening.

I don't even know if I'm using that word right. Bear....

I'm a bear. Meow.
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PostSubject: Re: The Creator: Evolution is Power   Fri Nov 21, 2014 12:55 am

wow...alot of detail, vivid point, its like a movie from a game cutscene or something, could use a little bit of work but honestly not bad!!! you're pretty good at this ^-^

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PostSubject: Re: The Creator: Evolution is Power   Fri Nov 21, 2014 1:03 am

This was written in the past hour. Lol. I intend to work a bit more on it.
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PostSubject: Re: The Creator: Evolution is Power   Fri Nov 21, 2014 5:13 pm

that's a cool story and all but what does all that have to do with dem large ass pics?
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PostSubject: Re: The Creator: Evolution is Power   Fri Nov 21, 2014 6:39 pm

Gregg Williams wrote:
that's a cool story and all but what does all that have to do with dem large ass pics?

it's his signature. he gonna resize it on his next return

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PostSubject: Re: The Creator: Evolution is Power   Fri Nov 21, 2014 9:20 pm

Nanook52 wrote:
it's his signature. he gonna resize it on his next return

Doesn't have to dude. He can either:

A: Put the pictures in the signature in spoilers so that if anyone wants to see them, can click on it to reveal the image

or

B: Use this website to randomize pictures in your signature: http://signavatar.com/

or just resize, whatever works Very Happy

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PostSubject: Re: The Creator: Evolution is Power   Sat Nov 22, 2014 12:37 pm

Zamario wrote:
Nanook52 wrote:
it's his signature. he gonna resize it on his next return

Doesn't have to dude. He can either:

A: Put the pictures in the signature in spoilers so that if anyone wants to see them, can click on it to reveal the image

or

B: Use this website to randomize pictures in your signature: http://signavatar.com/

or just resize, whatever works Very Happy

what did you think about the story zam? .w.

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PostSubject: Re: The Creator: Evolution is Power   Sat Nov 22, 2014 3:47 pm

soooooo
many
woooords
x_x

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PostSubject: Re: The Creator: Evolution is Power   Sun Nov 23, 2014 2:13 am

Light5hade wrote:
soooooo
many
woooords
x_x

oh hush kevie it's not that many xD

its less then my homework v.v

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PostSubject: Re: The Creator: Evolution is Power   Sat Apr 25, 2015 11:31 am

is it bad i pictured Morgan Freeman reading this to me? ♥

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PostSubject: Re: The Creator: Evolution is Power   Tue Apr 28, 2015 12:25 am

Not necessarily. The language however...Maybe... maybe not.
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PostSubject: Re: The Creator: Evolution is Power   Tue Apr 28, 2015 12:55 am

TL:DR

no but seriously

actually yes seriously, TL:DR

honestly the story seems great and everything, but a bit cliche and not worth the time to read, rather than play an actual videogame that has everything in this plot.
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PostSubject: Re: The Creator: Evolution is Power   Tue Apr 28, 2015 12:57 am

S∃7∃N! wrote:
TL:DR

no but seriously

actually yes seriously, TL:DR

honestly the story seems great and everything, but a bit cliche and not worth the time to read, rather than play an actual videogame that has everything in this plot.

it is rather lengthy but he is going for actual novel length. im still reading fucking chapter 2.
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PostSubject: Re: The Creator: Evolution is Power   Tue Apr 28, 2015 1:00 am

Missy wrote:
S∃7∃N! wrote:
TL:DR

no but seriously

actually yes seriously, TL:DR

honestly the story seems great and everything, but a bit cliche and not worth the time to read, rather than play an actual videogame that has everything in this plot.

it is rather lengthy but he is going for actual novel length. im still reading fucking chapter 2.
as I said

"soooooo
many
woooords
x_x"

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PostSubject: Re: The Creator: Evolution is Power   Tue Apr 28, 2015 1:06 am

Again yes, that's because he's making a book?

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PostSubject: Re: The Creator: Evolution is Power   Tue Apr 28, 2015 1:09 am

This is too fucking long. you expect us to read this entire thing when most of us spend less than 20 minutes on the site?

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PostSubject: Re: The Creator: Evolution is Power   Tue Apr 28, 2015 1:11 am

Ronnie wrote:
This is too fucking long. you expect us to read this entire thing when most of us spend less than 20 minutes on the site?

it..is...a....novel...it's not meant to be read in 20 minutes.
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PostSubject: Re: The Creator: Evolution is Power   Tue Apr 28, 2015 1:13 am

the introduction is dry. it doesn't have enough to make anyone want to keep reading. the entire story is way too long to comprehend in a few glances. he needs to learn how to summarize some of this.

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PostSubject: Re: The Creator: Evolution is Power   Tue Apr 28, 2015 1:19 am

okay so you're gonna play the "i read it for 20 seconds and the first few words and judge it game".

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PostSubject: Re: The Creator: Evolution is Power   Tue Apr 28, 2015 1:22 am

Everything has a history. A story... something to tell. Countless lives have survived the test of time. Countless objects, loved items. Family. A city even, have endured. But even in these major accomplishments and milestones, these wonders of the world, everything.... everyone... has a beginning.

sounds like a history channel introduction.

a young teen male daydreamed, simply following him wherever he went. Brother stopped, he stopped. Brother moved, he moved. That young teen was me. He was a chubby young fellow. Not very strong, to be honest, either. But even he didn't know his own strength. He got to the parking lot of the supercenter and looked to his left and saw a bus coming. he looked to his right saw a young girl, looked to be at least 15 by her height, walking along across the roadway of the parking lot and staring down at her phone, oblivious to everything.

cliche scenario. can tell where this is going.

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PostSubject: Re: The Creator: Evolution is Power   Tue Apr 28, 2015 1:27 am

and? where is it going Ronnie?

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Maoyuu Maou
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GMP : 25902
Heroism : -6
Old Location : Wherever there is Wi
Dog
MB Location : Garage B1 Tanks and Shit

Railgun
P90

Smoke your lungs out kid
CPU Intel Core i7 6700k Quad Core @4.0Ghz
GPU GEFORCE GTX 980 Ti 6GB GDDR5
RAM 16GB
FUL [Lv.76] C+
BSL [Lv.66] D+
RDL [Lv.93] A
BRL [Lv.90] A
IUL [Lv.96] A+
MHL [Lv.0] E
MTL [Lv.70] E

PostSubject: Re: The Creator: Evolution is Power   Tue Apr 28, 2015 1:29 am

the kid, or rather him is gonna eventually find out he has some kind of special gift. probably super powers, creative mind, and or saves the world in some form of way.

look i didnt say its bad, im just saying that with this start and how long it is. it doesent have that hook that makes people wanna keep reading. so therefore people either ignore this post, or only skim it.

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Missy
Post Junkie III
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Scarlet Elite

Awkward Ghost Club Captain
GMP : 37533
Heroism : 32
Old Location : Cleveland (for the moment)
Buffalo
MB Location : Strut H Crew Quarters

AK-74 | Royally Fucked Purple Flurp


Huntsman | Fade
Smoke your lungs out kid
CPU Intel Core i7 6700k 4.0Ghz
GPU EVGA GTX 1060 SC 6GB GDDR5
RAM 16GB
FUL [Lv.65] D
BSL [Lv.0] E
RDL [Lv.55] E
BRL [Lv.2] E
IUL [Lv.58] E
MHL [Lv.77] C+
MTL [Lv.0] E

PostSubject: Re: The Creator: Evolution is Power   Tue Apr 28, 2015 1:34 am

#Buzzer. WRONG. for someone who think they know everything you sure have a way of proving otherwise.

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Maoyuu Maou
Motherbase Novice Addict
Motherbase Novice Addict
avatar


GMP : 25902
Heroism : -6
Old Location : Wherever there is Wi
Dog
MB Location : Garage B1 Tanks and Shit

Railgun
P90

Smoke your lungs out kid
CPU Intel Core i7 6700k Quad Core @4.0Ghz
GPU GEFORCE GTX 980 Ti 6GB GDDR5
RAM 16GB
FUL [Lv.76] C+
BSL [Lv.66] D+
RDL [Lv.93] A
BRL [Lv.90] A
IUL [Lv.96] A+
MHL [Lv.0] E
MTL [Lv.70] E

PostSubject: Re: The Creator: Evolution is Power   Tue Apr 28, 2015 1:36 am

i never said it was gonna happen on the first page. i can just simply tell.

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Missy
Post Junkie III
Post Junkie III
avatar

Scarlet Elite

Awkward Ghost Club Captain
GMP : 37533
Heroism : 32
Old Location : Cleveland (for the moment)
Buffalo
MB Location : Strut H Crew Quarters

AK-74 | Royally Fucked Purple Flurp


Huntsman | Fade
Smoke your lungs out kid
CPU Intel Core i7 6700k 4.0Ghz
GPU EVGA GTX 1060 SC 6GB GDDR5
RAM 16GB
FUL [Lv.65] D
BSL [Lv.0] E
RDL [Lv.55] E
BRL [Lv.2] E
IUL [Lv.58] E
MHL [Lv.77] C+
MTL [Lv.0] E

PostSubject: Re: The Creator: Evolution is Power   Tue Apr 28, 2015 1:39 am

lmao you remind me of Brian griffin i swear. your arrogance just annoys me a bit. you read half than 10% and now you're some kind of professional critic like you're giving him advice from novelist to novelist.

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