Nanook52 Productions' Mother Base Forum

Multi-media free forum and Military Roleplay site.
 
HomeRoomCalendarPublicationsFAQMarketSearchMemberlistUsergroupsRegisterLog inYoutube
Welcome Guest! It is Tue Sep 26, 2017 The Current R&D Team Level is [Level 56]. The Current Intel/ Security Team is [Level 84] The Combat Team Level is [Level 83] The Mess Hall Team Level is [Level 10] The Medical Team is [Level 50]
How many Motherbase Easter Eggs have you found???
Shell 4 is still under major construction, Please watch your step on the bridge.
Season 2 is underway Folks! Get ready for the moisture!

Share | 
 

 i would like some feedback

View previous topic View next topic Go down 
AuthorMessage
Wolf-King of the Gods
Psychotic Pyro
Psychotic Pyro
avatar


Nothing

cus faku das y
GMP : 11908
Heroism : 28
Pig
MB Location : Strut F Warehouse

Git Perforated


Hestia Knife


CPU Pizza
GPU CheeseSteak
RAM Tacos
FUL [Lv.74] C
BSL [Lv.55] E
RDL [Lv.72] C
BRL [Lv 54] E
IUL [Lv.70] C
MHL [Lv.Potato] E
MTL [lv.Potato] E

PostSubject: i would like some feedback   Wed Oct 02, 2013 11:19 pm

alright so a buddy of mine had sent me a story, like he does every once in a while, wanting some feedback from me. i for one always enjoy the stories and give feedback.
this story though, i thought needed a bit more than just mine.


Spoiler:
 

as a writer, i seriously respect my buddy, and i would appreciate it that whoever gives feedback. do it with a tad bit of seriousness in mind.

--
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Lamar Davis
Supreme Horsechoker
Supreme Horsechoker
avatar

New Haven Syndicate

Supreme Horsechoker
GMP : 37735
Heroism : 35
Old Location : Vanilla Unicorn
Rat
MB Location : Strut L Oil Fence (S.S.Stretchnutz)


Matchbox
U already know
CPU Intel Core i7 4930k 6 core (3.4ghz)
GPU MSI GTX 1080 8GB GDDR5
RAM 16GB
FUL [Lv.65] D+
BSL [Lv.60] D
RDL [Lv.70] C
BRL [Lv.0] E
IUL [Lv.70] C
MHL [Lv.18] E
MTL [Lv.0] E

PostSubject: Re: i would like some feedback   Wed Oct 02, 2013 11:55 pm

Godamn that's some deep shit..i got lost a bit on 3rd stanza...but i understood it after i read it all again
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Wolf-King of the Gods
Psychotic Pyro
Psychotic Pyro
avatar


Nothing

cus faku das y
GMP : 11908
Heroism : 28
Pig
MB Location : Strut F Warehouse

Git Perforated


Hestia Knife


CPU Pizza
GPU CheeseSteak
RAM Tacos
FUL [Lv.74] C
BSL [Lv.55] E
RDL [Lv.72] C
BRL [Lv 54] E
IUL [Lv.70] C
MHL [Lv.Potato] E
MTL [lv.Potato] E

PostSubject: Re: i would like some feedback   Wed Oct 02, 2013 11:58 pm

John Quiggly Niglet wrote:
Godamn that's some deep shit..i got lost a bit on 3rd stanza...but i understood it after i read it all again
yea. he and i have read each other's work for some time now and i can tell you that he cant help but put bits of himself into his stories.

a truly great story is one that you're able to put your own feelings into while you're writing. in order to convey the feeling that you wish to portray in the story.

--
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Naomi Nakashima
Post Junkie III
Post Junkie III
avatar

New Haven Syndicate

Extreme Neko Badge
GMP : 28015
Heroism : 42
Old Location : Miami, FL
Buffalo
MB Location : Strut I Shooting Range

AS VAL
Stun Knife
MB Bear
CPU Intel i5 3570k Quad Core (3.4ghz)
GPU EVGA GTX 1060 6GB DDR5
RAM 10GB
FUL [Lv.85] B+
BSL [Lv.0] E
RDL [Lv.0] E
BRL [Lv.0] E
IUL [Lv.70] C
MHL [Lv.0] E
MTL [Lv.78] C+

PostSubject: Re: i would like some feedback   Thu Oct 03, 2013 10:58 am

im not the one who understands creative writing so im lost D:

--


Hello Guest, Today is Tue Sep 26, 2017 if you are wondering. Have a nice day!! ^-^
Before continuing please make sure of the following:
1.) You have said good morning to Hailey
2.)   You gave her a hug
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Wolf-King of the Gods
Psychotic Pyro
Psychotic Pyro
avatar


Nothing

cus faku das y
GMP : 11908
Heroism : 28
Pig
MB Location : Strut F Warehouse

Git Perforated


Hestia Knife


CPU Pizza
GPU CheeseSteak
RAM Tacos
FUL [Lv.74] C
BSL [Lv.55] E
RDL [Lv.72] C
BRL [Lv 54] E
IUL [Lv.70] C
MHL [Lv.Potato] E
MTL [lv.Potato] E

PostSubject: Re: i would like some feedback   Thu Oct 03, 2013 8:52 pm

Naomi Nakashima wrote:
im not the one who understands creative writing so im lost D:
basically the person speaking is about to suicide. his normal way of thinking contorted and  morphed due to the many experiences he has gone through. he becomes someone who hates the world and himself.

he reasons that he isnt killing himself because of hate or something petty, that hes killing himself because of his love. that by killing himself, his love will help guide. that it will help end many things.

the story is peeking into how experiences can make or break you.

rebuild you or destroy you.  

take your ways of thinking and rip it apart and join it back in a different light.  

in this character's case..... it broke him

and then. he hits the ground

--
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Guest
Guest



PostSubject: Re: i would like some feedback   Fri Oct 04, 2013 2:26 am

Its quite dark, but has some good points in there that I did like. I also like the use of colorful words rather the same thing, though there were some parts where it felt like it repeated itself.

Quote :
The people were the cause of the war and will be the future decimation of the war. They will kill themselves.
Humans are in fact vicious creatures that being they are always the cause of wars over their false beliefs. They'd kill for anything, especially when they're at their lowest..the bottom line is Humans have been killing each other since the dawn of time and they will continue to kill each other, nothing will change that since corruption plagues this world.
Back to top Go down
 
i would like some feedback
View previous topic View next topic Back to top 
Page 1 of 1
 Similar topics
-
» REUNION/FEEDBACK
» Feedback on the welcome message
» Loking for some feedback
» Tutle Beach Earforce DX 11 Mic Distortion
» Feedback to new CBS Map Lost Towers Beta2

Permissions in this forum:You cannot reply to topics in this forum
Nanook52 Productions' Mother Base Forum :: Shell 2 Core (General Discussion) :: Enterainment-
Jump to: