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 i would like some feedback

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Wolf-King of the Gods
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PostSubject: i would like some feedback   Wed Oct 02, 2013 11:19 pm

alright so a buddy of mine had sent me a story, like he does every once in a while, wanting some feedback from me. i for one always enjoy the stories and give feedback.
this story though, i thought needed a bit more than just mine.


Spoiler:
 

as a writer, i seriously respect my buddy, and i would appreciate it that whoever gives feedback. do it with a tad bit of seriousness in mind.

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Lamar Davis
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PostSubject: Re: i would like some feedback   Wed Oct 02, 2013 11:55 pm

Godamn that's some deep shit..i got lost a bit on 3rd stanza...but i understood it after i read it all again
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PostSubject: Re: i would like some feedback   Wed Oct 02, 2013 11:58 pm

John Quiggly Niglet wrote:
Godamn that's some deep shit..i got lost a bit on 3rd stanza...but i understood it after i read it all again
yea. he and i have read each other's work for some time now and i can tell you that he cant help but put bits of himself into his stories.

a truly great story is one that you're able to put your own feelings into while you're writing. in order to convey the feeling that you wish to portray in the story.

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Naomi Nakashima

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PostSubject: Re: i would like some feedback   Thu Oct 03, 2013 10:58 am

im not the one who understands creative writing so im lost D:

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PostSubject: Re: i would like some feedback   Thu Oct 03, 2013 8:52 pm

@Naomi Nakashima wrote:
im not the one who understands creative writing so im lost D:
basically the person speaking is about to suicide. his normal way of thinking contorted and  morphed due to the many experiences he has gone through. he becomes someone who hates the world and himself.

he reasons that he isnt killing himself because of hate or something petty, that hes killing himself because of his love. that by killing himself, his love will help guide. that it will help end many things.

the story is peeking into how experiences can make or break you.

rebuild you or destroy you.  

take your ways of thinking and rip it apart and join it back in a different light.  

in this character's case..... it broke him

and then. he hits the ground

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PostSubject: Re: i would like some feedback   Fri Oct 04, 2013 2:26 am

Its quite dark, but has some good points in there that I did like. I also like the use of colorful words rather the same thing, though there were some parts where it felt like it repeated itself.

Quote :
The people were the cause of the war and will be the future decimation of the war. They will kill themselves.
Humans are in fact vicious creatures that being they are always the cause of wars over their false beliefs. They'd kill for anything, especially when they're at their lowest..the bottom line is Humans have been killing each other since the dawn of time and they will continue to kill each other, nothing will change that since corruption plagues this world.
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